Obstinate_X_Shadow on Xanga

This is the first day of my life I swear I was born right in the door way I went out in the rain Suddenly everything changed they're spreading blankets on the beach Yours is the first face that I saw I think I was blind before I met you I don't know where I am I don't know where I've been But I know where I want to go So I thought I'd let you know These things take forever, I especially am slow But I realized how I need you And I wondered if I could come home I remember the time you drove all night Just to meet me in the morning Yeah I thought it was strange You said everything changed You felt as if you just woke up And you said, "This is the first day of my life." I'm glad I didn't die before I met you Now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you And I'd probably be happy So if you want to be with me With these things there's no telling we'll just have to wait and see But I'd rather be working for a pay check Than waiting to win the lottery Besides, maybe this time it's different I mean, I really think you like me

Obstinate_X_Shadow

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Name: Fair
Gender: Female

Interests: In my spare time i like to strike cupid's arrow and place the sun right outside your bedroom window. I am the feeling you get when she dedicates that special song to you. I am the sound your sheets make when you glide across the bed closer to him. I am the touch you feel when you kiss the bride, and i am the smile you see on her face when you gently remove your lips from hers. I am the smell you inhale when you sleep with that shirt bathed in his cologne. i once thought i could find something in people. Anything at all. We all are constantly searching. I've lost enemies and gained friends. Someday you'll have someone beautiful, and thats what will make life a bit more worth living for...
Expertise: I have burried myself between the broken and the breakable. I have kissed the hand of "loss" itself. I have seen what clenched fists do to weak hearts, and i have felt what deceit does to strong minds. I have fallen into the arms of the blinded, and i have been caught by the pain of the needles beneath him. I could try and deny comfort of lies and the pliant touch of tears that drape around me, hiding me from the monsters you've so proudly created. The falacies of time cut through each blind fold, revealing a sight more painful than the fog that surrounded the stars i once foolishly trusted. This hopeless collision strapped me so tightly into a comatose steered by your superior confusion. Only to awake to the scars that remained from your fingertips that traced my palms, my face, and my lips. I wanted more than ever, to right then and there, fall into you. But the web you constructed so stratigically around your heart, caught me before you did. I won't wait for freedom at any convenien
Occupation: Retired
Industry: Construction

Message: message me
AIM:

h0penlesscollide
Yahoo:

pretendxtoxlovexme

Member Since: 11/28/2003

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Posting Calendar

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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Date:	Jan 20, 2008 5:00 PM
Subject:	DEAR JUDE,
Body:	i dont think i ever told you about my first love ever, but when i was 6 or so i had a best friend named christa and we'd play outside until the sun would go down. my old room was full of pictures of her and i in cute purple and pink picture frames. the day i grew up was the day they scattered accross my bedroom floor. i remember cutting my foot on the broken glass. she had straight dirty blonde hair. i had crazy thick black hair and we would switch dresses in elementary school bathrooms after water breaks and go back to class giggling. her mom left her to join a renaissance fair when she was four and her dad stayed on this side of town to pick up the slack. her dad had long hair, well, for a guy, to his shoulders. he had facial hair, empty bottles, and seldom work doing manual labor stuff. but i could tell he loved christa very much. i mean he went crazy when she died. one day i woke up and was late to school waiting outside of the playground for two hours and christa to show. she never did. i made it to the office to get a tardy slip only to turn around and walk right back out the doors and back home. i had this zombie feel to my way that day and a lingering feeling in my gut that christa would never get yeseterdays dress back from me, ever again. when i got hom there were squad cars everywhere and my mom was outside with christas dad talking to a bald police man who was taller than id ever seen anyone to be. christas dad found her window pryed open at around 2 am and some early morning jogger found her dismembered body a few miles down. we never found out who killed her, and her dad lost the house and everything not a year later. you were my second love, starting january...twelve years later. last night i had a dream i found all my old pictures of her including my favourite of us, with our big heads not fitting in the camera. we were smiling real big and we were wet from playing in the rain, my mom took it of us. i was back in san diego running down stairs, out the door, and on my way to christas house to see if it was still standing. it was! and it was still as vacant as it was 13 years ago. i went inside and her windown was still loose and unfixxed from the night someone squeezed her out of it. i always pictured it in my head, their hand over her mouth, her muffled cries noone could hear over the loud info-mercials her dad would fall asleep drunk to. i started crying and i heard a footstep behind me on the fake wooden floorboards. i turned around and you were in her doorway, thats when i realized i was dreaming. you held me tight and told to follow you. we walked out her front door and turned the corner. you walked ahead of me and stopped at the end of this street i had never seen before. your back was toward me and i tried running but the street never eneded to where you were and id only get close enough to see you holding a little girls hand standing next to the street sign and its as if i were at the other end of the street all over again trying to run to get to where you and her were. each time i got close enough id start over again and eacgh time i saw her long dirty blonde hair and her ballet tutu and these little converse all stars on her feet. i wanted to play outside again, with christa, and with you and if she was in heaven then i wanted to sit on gods lap with her. i finally reached the end but you two had disappeared, i looked up to read the name of the street and it read pantomime. i woke up crying and still a little drunk.

6:14 PM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

i am pretty sure that you know who i am but i'll tell you anyway.
im leecee,
(eddies other ex-girlfriend..,... unfortunately.)
eddie and i have been broken up for a long time now and all for right reasons.
he was a horrible cruel selfish person who has a border line personality and views anyone who gets close enough to see through him as his mortal enemy.
but im sure youre aware.
anyway.
i was writing to ask you a question about his history. i know this may be very very weird and awkward for you and i understand if you are so past him you rather never think or talk about him again in which case im sorry for writing you to begin with, but i would like to ask your permission to ask you a question anyway.
just know and trust that i have absolutely nothing more to do with him (its been over a year now since we've last spoke) and i never will and that this is just all in regards of health.
my health.
nothing disturbing.
so dont worry, just something worth questioning anyway.
sorry so vague...
...just giving you a chance to choose whether or not you want to even hear what i have to say first.

oh and please understand that im writing you this, even just this, in confidence and i hope that regardless of whether you decide to hear what i have to say or not you will keep even this letter between you and i.
thank you.
sorry?
-alicia.

11:43 PM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

<center>"YOU OF ALL PEOPLE, I KNOW</center>
 </a> <center>DESERVE JUST THAT SOMEONE WHOSE SOUL <center>IS DEEPER THAN HIS SIDLINE HOE'S <center>THROAT"</center>

3:18 PM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

its

thought process.
backandforth.
it's ok to think aloud,
it's better to sing louder.

inother words... i dont think he wrote it for us to question jesus... maybe, for once, he wrote for himself, and if we are capable of understanding, then that makes the song even better.

no subliminal messaging... just pouring out a heart.

4:58 PM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Date:	Aug 28, 2007 7:43 PM
Subject:	sometimes
Body:	without thinking you do things to make yourself feel the way you would as if he were belly-up beside you. you'll turn up the radio on parts youd know hed like to listen to or songs youd dedicate his way. i know that disappointed look on your face all too well now bc tomorrow is a new day fluctuating gravity in between. and i wish you smiled more. bc it reminds me of an alarm clock. i wonder if its coincidence how every seven years your taste buds change and your bad luck ends. i wonder if eventually we'll catch up-ward. all i can safely say right now is that you fixxed your hair and clothes with the same intentions neon signs possess and the foot steps of others passing by is more frequent than the door swinging open. its not your fault you belong somewhere else where the air is cleaner and the cushions newer... its not your fault the people around here are ignorant to symmetry.

11:01 PM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

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http://www.fcsutler.com/p60CSarmynongrey

How many special people change? How many lives are living strange? Where were you while we were getting high? Slowly walking down the hall Faster than a cannonball Where were you while we were getting high? Someday you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova in the sky Someday you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova A champagne supernova in the sky Wake up the dawn and ask her why A dreamer dreams, she never dies Wipe that tear away now from your eye Slowly walking down the hall Faster than a cannonball Where were you while we were getting high? Someday you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova in the sky Someday you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova A champagne supernova 'Cuz we don't believe That they're gonna get away from the summer But you and I will never die The world's still spinning around we don't know why How many special people change? How many lives are living strange? Where were you while we were getting high? Slowly walking down the hall Faster than a cannonball Where were you while we were getting high? Someday you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova in the sky Someday you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova A champagne supernova 'Cuz we don't believe That they're gonna get away from the summer But you and I will never die The world's still spinning around we don't know why How many special people change? How many lives are living strange? Where were you while we were getting high?

Known As: Leecee